Ambitious motherhood: What does success versus sustainability look like?

Clinical psychologist and executive coach Dr. Anne Welsh joined us for a recent Studio Session inside the Livelong Women's Circle to talk about the gap between what success is supposed to feel like and what it actually feels like for high-achieving women, especially mothers.

A lot of what keeps women stuck, Anne says, is what she calls “pretending”—the pressure not just to have it all, but to make it look effortless. “The problem with pretending is it keeps us isolated from each other,” she explained. “We see everybody else's veneer of success, and think, well, they must all have it together. I must be the only one that's struggling.” That disconnect, she says, is exactly why hitting a goal (or a promotion or milestone) can leave you feeling numb instead of relieved.

Some of the exhaustion underneath that numbness is due to invisible labor, the term for the planning, logistics, and emotional regulation that women often carry. “If you think of any task as an iceberg, the task itself is the tip, and underneath is all of this other cognitive, emotional, planning, logistic bandwidth,” Anne said. Her first fix isn't a system: it's naming the labor out loud, then actively inviting other people, such as partners, kids, or coworkers, to carry a share of it.

On balance itself, Anne pushed back on the word as a noun. 

Instead, she compares it to standing on one leg: a constant series of small corrections, with some seasons tipping further toward work and others toward family or health. The goal isn't stillness. It's staying in motion with intention.

So how do you know when a hard stretch has become something more serious? Anne's rule of thumb is that it's the pattern, not the season. “If it's just one hard season, you recover with rest,” she said. “It's a pattern when you start to notice that you're always just waiting for the next thing, and you're never taking that rest or that vacation.”

Anne also walked through how to tell a healthy boundary from avoidance dressed up as self-care, why the discomfort of setting a new boundary fades once the people around you adjust to it, and where to start if you want to rebuild the “want muscle” most women lose touch with somewhere between childhood and adulthood.

Note: You must be a member of the Livelong Women’s Circle™ to view this replay. If you aren’t a member of the Livelong Women’s Circle yet, you can sign up for a free account here. Replays will be available for 7 days from today to general Circle members. Inner Circle members have forever access to all Studio Session replays.

Anne’s book Ambitious Mother: From Surviving to Thriving in Your Career and at Home is now available to order. If you’re a mother (or know one) who wants to embrace sustainability in your success, this book is a great addition to your life.  

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