The Livelong Newsletter

Hi everyone,

🐘 Don’t think of a pink elephant.

When I just asked you to not think of a pink elephant, did your mind immediately conjure up an image of one anyways?

This phenomenon is called the pink elephant paradox (formal name is ironic process theory (IPT)). It describes the tendency to think more intensely about something that we are trying to avoid.

In this case, trying to NOT think of an elephant increases the likelihood that you think of one.

Similarly, trying to resist intrusive thoughts or uncomfortable feelings (anxiety, fear, or sadness) can perpetuate these feelings and keep them alive, making you stressed for even longer.

Understanding the pink elephant paradox helps us understand our brain’s response to stress, which help us learn to build psychological resilience and live longer.

Let’s dive in.

De-stress at the Livelong Experience

Stressed out? You’re not alone. At the Livelong Experience, we dive deep into how stress affects longevity and the crucial role of mental health in your life’s blueprint. From resilience strategies to practical wellness tips and rejuvenating health activities, join us in Palm Beach on March 28-29, 2025 discover how to build a path to a long, healthy life.

The Pink Elephant Paradox

The way you respond to your thoughts determines how stressed you get.

January is Mental Wellness Month, which raises awareness of the link between mental and physical wellness.

Stress has an undeniable connection with healthy longevity, but most of the advice we read teaches us how to avoid it.

• 🚿 ‘Take a cold shower and become a new person!’

• 🌰 ‘Eat 11 almonds for optimal [insert desired health goal]’

I think you get the idea…

Now self-care and good habits are so important for daily wellness, and they lay the foundation for a healthy life.

But using self-care as a means to fight/avoid stress makes it more likely that the stress will persist.

This will hold you back from achieving overall health.

The pink elephant paradox explains this.

Before the pink elephant, there was a white bear

American social psychologist Daniel Wegner was the first psychologist to propose the IPT.

The long-time Harvard professor became fascinated by a 19th-century quote from author Fyodor Dostoevsky, deciding to run an experiment based on it.

• "Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute."

What do you know. When asked to NOT think of the bear, they couldn’t stop thinking about it. 🐻‍❄️

‘Why can’t I just let it go?’

Our brains interpret words using associations and imagery, writes the Economic Times.

Trying to suppress that mental picture* makes it more likely that it will linger—this is called ‘thought suppression’— which ironically causes you to become obsessed with the thoughts you are trying to avoid, according to the American Psychological Association.

“When you consciously try to suppress the thought of the pink elephant, you’re unintentionally reinforcing its presence by mentally “checking” if it’s gone,” writes the Times.

🚨 “It’s as though your mind rebels, saying, ‘Here’s that pink elephant again—you can’t ignore it!”

Thus, resisting the pink elephants in life—the unwanted thoughts, emotions, etc—can perpetuate the stress we so desperately want to avoid. 

The long-term impact on health can be dramatic — digestive issues, weight change, fatigue, burnout, heart conditions, joint pain, anxiety, depression, loss of confidence — the list goes on.

There’s a way out — but really, it’s a way through.

The path forward 

Stop pushing the anxiety under the rug and start pushing through it.

Here are a few tricks to change your relationship with stressful, ruminating thoughts and unproductive narratives.

Accept the thought

👐 Acceptance is truly one of the most effective techniques to overcoming the pink elephant paradox, according to psychologist Marina Harris in Psychology Today.

Negative thoughts surrounding failure, self-worth, or any other human experience are normal, but it does not mean they are true, Harris says.

When you accept negative thoughts, you are accepting that they are thoughts and not facts. 

Try this

Try accepting a thought around failure (I’m not taking this from personal experience, of course not…haha…ha…oh no).

• In this instance, Harris says you need to tell yourself "I'm noticing I'm having the thought that I'm a failure" instead of "I'm a failure." 

Why does it work?

• 🛡️ You ‘disarm’ the thoughts, Harris explains. Although they might not immediately go away, that’s OK. The point is to respond, not make it disappear.

• 🌥️ You lesson it’s importance. Your acceptance signals to the brain that ‘This thought is NOT important.’

In time, the thought will disappear on its own. 

What’s on the other side?

The exercise involves imagining your worst case scenario.

Try this

Imagine what would happen if a scary thought (let’s go back to failure) came true? Instead of ruminating on this point, think about what would happen next.

• “See yourself bouncing back from the mistake…Imagine yourself feeling disappointed, then moving on to your next goal,” she says.

As Harris points out, the reality is never usually as scary as we make it out to be.

Constructive distractions

Sometimes distraction can be the best course of action. 🕶️

When you refocus on an activity that requires your complete attention (reading, running, watching a movie), there is less room to ruminate on intrusive thoughts, according to Dr. Hannah Rose of Ness Labs.

• Training yourself to get ‘distracted’ when you catch yourself ruminating on an intrusive thought is like strengthening a new muscle — it gets better with more practice.

Resilience and longevity

Accepting intrusive thoughts builds psychological resilience.

A 2024 study shows that people with the highest levels of psychological resilience have 53% less risk of dying from any cause compared to those with low resilience, Science Focus reports.

“While you cannot control what life throws at you as you age, how you deal with these problems could be literally life-lengthening,” author writes.

➕ Resilience is bolstered by purpose, positive emotions, and satisfaction with social support.

These are healthy coping skills that “offset the negative impacts of tough times,” and have “similar effects to bouncing back physically after illness and trauma,” according to the article.

Acceptance and techniques that combat rumination also improve decision making, which becomes necessary if you want to cultivate healthy decisions and habits to live a long life.

_{*A note on mental pictures}

_{People with a condition called aphantasia cannot voluntarily create images in their mind, but this might be a superpower, as these individuals are naturally good at blocking out intrusive thoughts.}

Read more about:

• 💪 Resilience and longevity. More than a state of mind.

• 🅰️ Master stress to slow aging. Author Dr. Stephen Sideroff on following these nine pillars for health.

• 🚸 Start em’ young. Why children need to become resilient.

Don’t Miss:

We love books — Start the new year with a new read about living longer

Today’s top pods 👇— Discover new ways to live longer.

• Moving beyond Menopause 

• Go outside if you really want to live longer 

Longevity Media LLC

Look good, feel better, live longer.